he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
