What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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