I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
