96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
