...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
