Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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