I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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