Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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