Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
