just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
