and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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