could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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