Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
