I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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