i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
