If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
