Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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