shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
