so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
