oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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