wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
