I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
