I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
