Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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