I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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