Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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