I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
