in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
