He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
