If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
