separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
