I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
