Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
