i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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