we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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