Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
