Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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