Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize