Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
