afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
