Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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