Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
