so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
