Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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