Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
