WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
