i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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