she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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