ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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