i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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