how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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