I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
