Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
